Letting Go of Expectations – A Dishwasher Fable

I have recently moved into a new home, and in my new home, in my new kitchen, is a new dishwasher.  This home is all new – new to me, and new because no one has lived here before.  Everything is lovely and shiny and full of promise.

I was eager to use the dishwasher – to wash the china that I had moved.  Something about being wrapped in paper and put in a box for a few days just seems to require some extra cleansing.

Being the obedient type, and scoring moderately high as a “Fact Finder” on the Kolbe Conative Styles Assessment, I read the manual, loaded the dishwasher, ran the water in the nearest sink until it was hot – as directed – and started the machine.

I was thrilled!  The manual had said that I needed to abandon my expectations of what a dishwasher would sound like.  My dishwasher was special and exceedingly quiet and the manual warned me not to be alarmed if there was hardly any sound – just an occasional bump, and maybe a swish.  My dishwasher used the most modern and technologically advanced methods of sound reduction and the manual wanted to prepare me for the difference.

Truthfully, I had rather ignored that section of the manual – I assumed that the warnings were just hype – but – indeed the dishwasher was remarkably quiet.  I could hear a few noises, but really it was wonderful!  It wouldn’t disturb an intimate conversation or trouble a sleeping baby.

The manual had told me to let go of my preconceived notions and it was right!  I felt one of those lovely bubbles of joy travel up through my body and out through a big smile.  I told whomever I could that I had the best dishwasher.  I was floating.  And one of the best parts about it was that it was such an unexpected surprise.

If I had chosen this dishwasher myself, soliciting recommendations and reading reviews and reports in an effort to find such a quiet machine, the same level of silence would not have seemed as wonderful.  In that case, the dishwasher would have just been acting the way it “should” – and there is seldom any deep satisfaction from “should.”

But, to come into my new home and find such a treasure was bliss.  Before moving in, the only thought I had about the dishwasher was to be glad there was one, and I had a little frisson of pleasure because it was sleek and shiny.  Overall, my relationship to my new dishwasher was fundamentally neutral with a slight positive slant.  And expecting nothing special, good or bad, I was completely open to the happy experience of my new, wonderfully quiet dishwasher.

All that day I enjoyed my new dishwasher:  it was the perfect example of what my life would be like – filled with new things and new adventures that would be better than anything I could imagine.

And at the end of the day, when I discovered that the dishwasher had been so very quiet because – in fact – it was not actually washing any dishes, it hardly seemed to matter.  After all those hours being thrilled with my dishwasher, the fact that it was no longer what I had not expected it to be was incidental.

Maybe the dishwasher is a little bit quieter than most, and maybe it isn’t – it is how it is and that’s fine.  In terms of sound, my expectations now are that it will sound like a dishwasher.  And performance-wise, it could be better.  But every time I use it, every time I hear it, I smile because I remember how ecstatic I was when my new dishwasher was the best dishwasher ever.

I’m wondering if expectations ever serve me, and I don’t think they do, I think they only add weight.  If I’m anticipating something and try to lower my expectations to avoid disappointment, it never works, I just end up disappointed and without the pleasure of anticipation.  And if I expect something to be wonderful, and it isn’t – as so often happens with desserts – I end up disappointed and resentful.

My new dishwasher has inspired me to try and let go of expectations, and try to approach things instead with a willingness to let what comes, be good.  My new dishwasher has shown me that being truly open to new experiences is the key to continued happiness – even, and maybe especially, when the new experience turns out not to be, technically, “all that”.

I haven’t used my new stove yet.  The manual says that it will both bring things to the boil almost instantaneously, and maintain things at the perfect temperature.  Sounds like fun.